someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
