So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
