So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
