im about as happy as oj after his trial
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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