i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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