ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
