i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
