I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Someone signed my nipple.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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