The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are the jesus of drinking
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize