He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is it penis luge time yet?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i've created a new STD.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
