just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
