I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
