loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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