I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
