I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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