is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
