Already got asked if we're dating
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
