also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
