she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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