Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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