you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
