I feel great
I just peed on a car
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
