New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
