Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
