With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize