Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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