Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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