I wish my penis had an off switch
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
