I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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