I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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