spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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