The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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