Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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