you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
