if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
