I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
