why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
