Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
