the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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