he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
