so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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