You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
