Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's get the cat blown out
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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