What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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