peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
no. you can't hotbox the world.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
