Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
