You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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