Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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