So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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