this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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