Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
