Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
