Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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