you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
