Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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