Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
