I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Randomize
