did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
