Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize