A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
