where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
