Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They took my balls.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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