Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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