I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
