I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
