i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
